Sunday, April 22, 2012

shouldn't still

i'm angry at my heart.

it still beats fastest
for you
after all these years
when i'm well aware
i shouldn't still love you.

you've given me reason enough
to have gotten over it:
misinterpreting playful words for offensive ones,
calling me out on things you were ashamed of,
never berating your unruly ego
for trying to compete with mine.
it's clear your self-worth
relies on how many people
have downloaded your songs on iTunes.

i have never denied your talent.
in fact, most days i envy it.
but if all those soul-searchers had seen
your darker side like i have,
they wouldn't revere you half as much.

your darker side
seems to be the part of you
that you never reign in
when it comes to me;
have you discovered my game
or do you simply think me idiotic?

either way i suppose
i ought to stop telling strangers
that you're my best friend from high school
so they don't get the wrong idea.

...and even if i did
it still wouldn't be any less true
that all of the love poetry i've written
now or long ago
has been for you,
you moron.


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