last in line

i.

it is not a crime

to be last in line

in someone's mind.

it is a shame

to be last in line

in yours.

ii.

to be last in line,

a meaning

altered over time.

children are told

where they should go

and the last is forgotten,

subjected to ridicule.

at fifteen

the last grows mad,

paints her fingernails black,

makes love to a razor

and never looks back

at the world

that didn't look back for her.

into adulthood

and it's the hell with you,

on no one's wait list

and confined to solitary musing,

slowly falling back

to last in your own mind.

iii.

in someone's mind

is the wish;

better yet,

in the heart

and stuck there,

adhesive affections.

iv.

it is a shame,

the connotations

of last place

that have become standard.

last is nobody's

favorite number,

yet it's never least?

an unfair juxtaposition.

sometimes last

wins the race

but it never feels like victory.

v.

to be last in line,

every time;

it's draining

to remain there

in the mind.

vi.

in yours

i have always been last

in mine

you have always been first.

it is not a crime but

it is a shame.

04.2010