shouldn't still

i'm angry at my heart.

it still beats fastest

for you

after all these years

when i'm well aware

i shouldn't still love you.

you've given me reason enough

to have gotten over it:

misinterpreting playful words for offensive ones,

calling me out on things you were ashamed of,

never berating your unruly ego

for trying to compete with mine.

it's clear your self-worth

relies on how many people

have downloaded your songs on iTunes.

i have never denied your talent.

in fact, most days i envy it.

but if all those soul-searchers had seen

your darker side like i have,

they wouldn't revere you half as much.

your darker side

seems to be the part of you

that you never reign in

when it comes to me;

have you discovered my game

or do you simply think me idiotic?

either way i suppose

i ought to stop telling strangers

that you're my best friend from high school

so they don't get the wrong idea.

...and even if i did

it still wouldn't be any less true

that all of the love poetry i've written

now or long ago

has been for you,

you moron.

04.2010