Thursday, June 21, 2012

picture imperfect

the bathroom floor was ready to receive me
the other night
when it occurred to me at last
that you're really going.

for months that has been your plan
but i'd not considered
everything you'd be leaving behind,
me you'd be leaving behind.

all of a sudden
those portraits of us, you know the
ones positioned neatly below the stairs
were screaming at me
to notice them,
and as i shouted back that i always had
they whispered, 'not like this, you haven't.'
and that was when
magnetically
i was drawn
to both
and stood
and considered them
at once.

at left,
me at seven, you at four
in my likeness
or rather, that of our father:
squinty-eyed from smiling,
a joyful thing.
inside of your chubby cheeks
was where you stored your cuteness,
and i in my bow and velvet
and you in your bow and suit
were a happy sight.

at right,
me at sixteen, you at lucky thirteen
and we're different
and we're the same.
our features have all evolved
but at closer look,
i in red and bangs,
you in black and shaved head,
we have not grown out of
that age of innocence
where we were too young for labels,
too young to make decisions,
too young to be separated.

my own cheeks possessed no cuteness the other night,
only two distinct trails of tears
that i hadn't felt coming on --
they were just there
and flowing
and flowing.
i left our pretty portraits
to never betray the memories they induced
and went instead
to beckoning bathroom
that had always been comfort
to sleepless nights,
to unabashed sickness,
to moments like this
when the rug had been pulled viciously from under me
but instead of going off like a fine magician's trick
everything came crashing down.

i could feel the portraits shredding
where our hands were interlinked,
split down the middle cruelly
and i wanted you there with me
so that you would link hands with me
in the flesh
and somehow maybe glue it all back together.

our picture could no longer be portrayed
as perfect.
and i tried to cease the fault lines
in both frames
but they
ripped
anyway.

05.2010

2 comments:

Janet said...

Raw emotion bleeding from love! and a perfect title:)

Dana Leah said...

thanks so much for stopping by, Janet, and for your sweet comment. :) x